try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
