I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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