eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
