Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
tell me about the eggs
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
