but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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