when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize