you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
