first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
