that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
im holly from the hills drunk
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize