I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
