Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
