dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
