I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
