I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
