My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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