so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
