somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
