dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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