i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
