i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
