Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
