Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
