So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
