some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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