using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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