well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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