dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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