Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize