I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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