I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
