I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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