Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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