you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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