I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
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