You're so nebulous sometimes
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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