i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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