He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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