Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
