Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
