Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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