I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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