I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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