Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
