rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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