he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
