so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
