You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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