I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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