I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
