he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
