Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize
