so explain again why im purple
no
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
