For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Shame is for Republicans.
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