the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
