i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
