You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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