im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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