currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
