I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
