dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
