Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
