There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
