Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
