He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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