oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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