The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
