Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Randomize