ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
