Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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