I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
