9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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