finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
