I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
